Struggling in Dark Souls 3? Pah! I beat it while blindfolded, with my hands tied behind my back and the only way to operate the controller was with my tongue.
Why did I do this, you ask? Why, to prove that I am superior to you filthy, casual Dark Souls players in every way possible.
But nevertheless, I’ll teach you cretins how to overcome the measly task of besting every boss within Dark Souls 3, even if I do risk dying of boredom in the process.
You see, to be like I, such a hardcore Dark Souls player, you must remove yourself from every social aspect of life possible. Because who needs family or friends, when one can bask in the glory that besting Dark Souls 3 without taking a hit offers?
And there will be training! Oh yes, because if you wish to ascend to the higher plain of life that Dark Souls offers you mere mortals, you’ll practice within the game from the moment you awaken, to the moment you inevitably collapse after hours of in-game slaughter and death.
What, does this collide with your job? Tough! Get your boss on the phone right now, and tell him you’ve got more important things in life to worry about than being able to put food on the table.
Because you will not yearn for food nor water, should you git gud in Dark Souls. You will not want for the more trivial parts of life, having ascended above the rest of mankind to look down on the pettiness of everyday life.
But, I haven’t even mentioned the most enticing part of this newfound way of life! Because should anybody criticise you, should anybody throw any accusations at you, or the religion of Dark Souls, all one would simply need to do is to say two very simple words…